Sec
ondly, one thing which I have been really upset about in my personal life is that the people whom I always gave and still giving the benefit of doubt, have really disappointed and hurt me. I have always been the “Goodie two-shoes”, until recently. I want to describe the change I have been through. Always being good to others became rather upsetting when the others around me turned selfish. Well, I won’t say I wasn’t selfish, but for a change, I was selfish for my “own” good and without any harm to others.
See, what I am trying to say is, when I put others above my own wants, irrespective of the fact that “would anyone reciprocate the same”, I was the “good one”. I was happy. I was happy making people I love, happy. That brought real peace to me. Until one day, I introspected a little and realized, it’s time I should do something for my own happiness too. Trust me, I was happier than EVER. Of course, they were happy too. But not in a way I used to be for them.
Suddenly, things started drifting apart, it wasn’t the same anymore now. Everything was just at “Opportunity Cost”. I realized my mistake was I couldn’t keep a balance. In short, I became too involved with just my own self. Obviously, it was a phase. A happy yet busy phase. And like I would do for any of my loved ones, I expected everyone to still be there. I apologized, and amidst all the taunts and hurtful comments, I was somewhat forgiven. But it wasn’t the same anymore. No matter what, I was always misunderstood and kept apart. I became used to it. Until one day I realized, I wasn’t the only one at fault. But I could not expect an apology from some one who has already categorized me as the culprit.
I mean, Can Rhea expect an apology from Arnab? Just kidding, I am no Rhea, they are no Arnab.
So, coming back, I want to share what I feel. In one single sentence I can say that- “They were hurt, I apologized. I am hurt, they don’t even think that could be the situation.” But the fact is, I am hurt. I am hurt because of being misunderstood. I am hurt because of not being felt belonged to the people who knew me in and out. I am hurt because of not getting the benefit of doubt from every single person who I have given that. I am hurt because I feel alone surrounded by people. I am hurt because when it comes to sharing my happy moments, I think twice before letting it out. I am hurt because after reading Best Friends Quotes, their name doesn’t strike me and make me smile in seconds. I am hurt, but they don’t even think they are doing that. I am hurt because I am just put in a spot and taunted, rather than actually seeing things from my point of view and my spot.
No, I am not depressed. I am not going to let the one sour part of life take the sweetness of the other parts. I am pretty much happy wherever I am. Just, one thing is missing.
I may have been wrong at many points of my life, of course I am not perfect. But at least, I am a keeper. Sad, I can’t expect everyone to be the same. But, this time, I may be anything, but wrong. I am hurt for real this time. So much hurt that I don’t even talk about it to someone in person. That’s where I said I have moved down from “human diary” to an “actual diary”.
And for those who’d say that if it’s something personal, why am I even blogging it, my answer is that keeping things to myself isn’t working anymore and talking it out stopped working long back when no matter what, I was put in the spot for being at fault. I find this the way out. All families are difficult, so is this one